So it’s the New Year. 2019. A fresh slate. An opportunity for anything to happen!
A lot of us might have set some New Year’s resolutions – some of us might have already given up on those New Year’s Resolutions. Some people haven’t come up with any at all because they don’t see the point. I personally LOVE setting New Year’s Resolutions. I don’t see it as a sure way to fail, but an opportunity to get better. And you have 12 months to try! You can try something you’ve always wanted to learn, put yourself out there, see people more often.

Maybe one of your resolutions this year is to try something new? Or go back to something you haven’t done in years? A hobby? A talent?

I love finding out what people are good at. That thing they know about and enjoy talking about because they love it. You hear all kinds of answers. Photography. Singing. Drawing. Guitar. Sewing. Football. Karate. It just makes conversation so much more interesting than the usual small talk starters. You know, “What do you do?” “Guess how old I am.” And it’s more interesting because they’re talking about something they care about. Next thing I ask is, “Are you doing it?” People tend to be quite thrown by that question. Because a lot of the time, the answer is no.

If you had asked me what I loved doing, I would of said dancing, singing and writing. Those were my three. I loved to dance when I was younger.  I danced all the time, anywhere and everywhere, getting involved in anything that I could. But if you asked me if I was dancing now, my answer would have been no. And the reason for this is quite simple. I cared too much about what people thought.

I don’t think I’m alone in that. How many of us won’t do something because there are too many people around? How many of us are scared about what other people might think? The thing about our talents is that they are a little part of who we are. They are precious to us because not only are we good at them, we enjoy them. So if anyone were to reject our talents, they would be rejecting us. We don’t want people to think that we are not good enough at our talents because that’s the thing we’re good at. So if people think we are not good at that, then what are we good at? And we tell ourselves, ‘nothing.’ So to prevent this, we take our talents, the things we’re good at, the things we enjoy, and we hide them away because we are afraid of the world’s opinion.

Dream vs. Reality
When I was younger, I loved it so much I decided I wanted to do it professionally for a job so I begged my parents to take me to dance college,  which they did. But I learnt quickly that the picture I had had in my head of what it would be like, was in fact very, very different to the real thing.
In the real professional dance world, image is everything. It has to be. You have to be the best of the best if you want to get anywhere. If you’re not, you’re practically invisible. There’s no room for anything less than the best. On top of that, you have to look a certain way. You have to be beautiful. You have to be striking. You have to be different. I didn’t realise that when I stepped into this world as a sixteen year old girl. I was good at dancing and I loved it with all my heart, but so did the other students in my class. Students where the majority of them had been training at a high level from a very young age. Students who already had brilliant technique as I was learning it for the first time. Students who weren’t just good. They were brilliant. They were the best. Very quickly I found myself drowning and falling further and further behind. I tried so hard but they were better.  But it wasn’t just skill alone where I was behind.

On top of that, one of the teachers from the dance school told me over the time I was there that I didn’t know how to do my hair or my make- up and my bum was too big. She said I was a wallflower. That I was currently unnoticeable. It was her way of trying to improve me and help me. To make me do something about it so I would be better and haver a better chance in this profession obsessed with image. But as a sixteen year old girl who already didn’t have a very high opinion of herself, it floored me. I remember one day someone gave me a makeover and as I walked out of the changing rooms, a boy in my class said to me, “You were one of the worst looking girls but now you look good.” I cared about what these people thought and hung onto every word that they said. As the year went on I felt more and more average looking, humiliated and invisible.

When we performed routines in front of each other, no one watched me. When it came to the end of year shows, no one chose me for their choreography. I was hardly involved in anything. I began to believe I wasn’t good at dancing. I noticed the others improve and exceed and grow in confidence, and watched as mine shrivelled up before my eyes. I completed the course two years later and I gained a qualification, but I lost my love for dance.
I decided to put dance on the shelf and do something completely different with my life.  That’s what took me to Manchester. I lived with my friends Jacquie and Steve for a bit and ended up telling Jacquie about my dancing. After that, she would bring it up every now and then for years after I told her, encouraging me to try again. Not for a profession, but in church or for fun. And for years I would half -heartedly agree with absolutely no intention of doing it. I just didn’t dance anymore. No biggy. I also loved writing when I was younger. Did it all the time until I got older and got too busy. Guess what? Didn’t do that either. I buried both of them in the ground because to me, it was safer there. Safer to hide. No one could bad mouth them there.

7 years later…
That was 7 years ago, and in that time I got closer to God by spending time with him and learned more about who He is and how much he loved me. I gradually got my confidence and my identity back to the point where I am incredibly secure in who I am. I know who I am. But God started to pull me up on dance, reminding me that I loved it and that it was something that he’d given to me for me. I had been putting off dance because of people’s opinions. That people would see me and think I wasn’t good enough. But they were only opinions! And opinions are different. They’re subjective. They change. They are up and down. People are for you and then they’re against you. Whereas I had been learning that God’s opinion of me never changed, no matter what I did. He speaks truth. He always loved me, he is always there as my biggest supporter and he’d made me to dance. It didn’t matter what people thought, it only mattered what he thought. So eventually I decided to try a dance class as a 25 year old.

The Deep End
It was hilarious actually. I thought I’d go easy on myself and start with the beginners class so I went with my two friends from church. But when we got there the beginners class had been cancelled for that week alone. In its place was an advanced street class full of very gangster street dancers who had been doing it since they were in the womb, and that class was in a front studio which had a wall of glass so everyone outside could see in. We freaked out but thought we’d driven all that way so we might as well give it a go. I said a little prayer to God. Something probably along the lines of, “HELP ME!” It was completely out of my comfort zone and at first I felt all my old fears creeping up. But then something different happened. Before I would look at those dancers and think, “I’m not as good as that. I look really stupid. I might as well give up now.” But this time I found myself thinking, “I want to be as good as them. If I give up, how can I do that? But if I give it a go, and give it my everything, I will get there. It’s not about skill. It’s about willingness.”

Do you know the people in this world who have excelled in their talents are the people who took risks and went for it even when there was a chance they could fail? I realised then that it didn’t matter what people thought. It didn’t matter if they were better or worse than me. It didn’t matter if I made mistakes and got it wrong. What mattered was my willingness to try and get better. What mattered was being myself and doing what I loved because I loved it. What happened if I failed? I just got back up again. You live and learn.
Going back to dance was the best thing I ever did that year! I have loved every single class and it’s brought so much joy back to my life! It even helped me take more risks with singing and start writing again . And guess what, all my friends and family have been completely behind me anyway. My friend Jacquie was practically in tears that God had freed me and I was finally doing what I loved again. They’re not why I did it, but it’s been amazing to have people so happy for me.
Life is about jumping into the deep end, taking a risk and – if you believe he exists – trusting God. Because when we fully step out and make ourselves vulnerable, there is an opportunity for us to grow in ways we never thought possible and learn more than we ever could of if we had just played it safe. You gain so much more than you loose. It’s freeing! Life is so much more exciting and there are so many more experiences available to us.

If you have something you love and want to do but aren’t doing it because of what others might think… just do it! People in your life will probably be more behind you than you thought, but if not do it anyway! If this is your New Year’s Resolution, do it! If it’s not, do it anyway. No one can be you. All that matters is just going for it and doing what you love without the weight of other’s opinions. Get out of your comfort zone and be the best version of yourself. The deep end is where the adventure is. I hope 2019 is an exciting year for you! In fact, I hope it is the best year ever!