Finding what you love

“If you have something you love but aren’t doing it because of what others might think, just do it… All that matters is that you go for it and do what you love without the weight of others opinions.” tiffanyjadedotblog

This quote from my last post “It’s Time For The Deep End,” makes sense for a lot of people, but for others, that’s not the problem. It’s not always other’s opinions that stop us from doing what we love. Sometimes the problem is the fact that we don’t have a flipping clue what we love! Sometimes it’s our own opinions.

I have an amazing friend from church. She’s one of those friends that will do anything for you, will message you if it’s been a while and always gives you her full attention when you finally do get around to hanging out. She’s one of the good ones. I live right next to this beautiful park that she’d not been to before and we hadn’t caught up in some time so we decided to go for a walk.
As we were chatting, she mentioned how she was feeling really burnt out and exhausted. She said that her life just seemed to be going to work and then going home, never getting any “me” time.
I asked her if she ever did anything for herself, to which she said no.
So I said, “Right well you have to do something for you or of corse you’re going to feel burnt out!” I told her about my dancing and what that had done for me and followed it up with a question.
“What are you good at?” To that she replied, “I’m not good at anything.”

Unfortunately, my friend is not the first person who’s ever believed this about herself and most likely won’t be the last. I’ve heard a number of people say exactly the same statement. “I’m not good at anything.” Maybe it’s something that you’ve said, that you believe? There are lots of reasons why we think this. Why we don’t do what we love.
We don’t know where to start? We’re too scared? Too busy? That or we’re really not bothered about it at all? Or maybe it’s simply because life got in the way? It was just something we did in school and we’d forgotten about it. I don’t know if any of these reasons might be your reasons, but I want to chat through some of them…

“I don’t know what I’m good at.”
The first step is actually knowing what on earth you want to do in the first place! Sometimes the problem isn’t that you don’t want to be more adventurous. It’s not that you don’t want to take up a hobby again and run with it. It’s that you believe you don’t have anything to run with! It’s that you genuinely don’t know where to start! I have learnt that just telling people they’re good at something doesn’t quite cut it. I could have sat there till I was blue in the face trying to convince my friend that she was good at things, but she would have never believed it. For her, just figuring out what she was good at was daunting enough without then actually having to do it. I realised I had to change the question to “What do you enjoy?”
She sat there quietly for a bit then thinking, and suddenly a long list of dreams and past hobbies began to spring from her mouth. Cycling, netball, reading… She’d forgotten about all these things she used to love in school and hadn’t thought to try them again. Maybe sometimes the first step isn’t to figure out what you are good at. Maybe sometimes the first step is just to figure out what you enjoy.

“Fear of failure.”
Maybe you’ve given different things a go but after a few attempts you realise you’re not “very good.” Because of this, you assume that’s just not your thing and move on. Or maybe you haven’t even got as far as trying because you’re too scared you’ll look like an idiot… that you’ll find something else you can’t do. The truth is, you only get good at things when you try. And you only get better with practice. Look at athletes. They train hard for hours and hours every day, pushing themselves to crazy limits, changing their whole lifestyle in order to get to where they need to be. They’re not where they are just because they’re “really good.” It took time and persistence. No one is reallygood at anything when they first start, but after hard work and commitment – and messing up a whole lot of times – that is when you start to see progress, and all the hard work pay off. And like I said in my previous post, it doesn’t matter what other people think! They’re opinions should never get in the way of you doing what you love. If you mess up in front of people, who cares? Mistakes are nothing to be afraid of! Mistakes are the lessons we need to take in order to learn. Find out what works and what doesn’t? You live and learn. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a great thing!

I learnt to ski for the first time ever last summer and decided to give the biggest slope at the Chill Factore a try. However, as I stood there 40 metres up high, I instantly regretted my decision. But there was only one way down.. and apparently that was crashing. As I dusted myself off at the bottom, I decided that if I didn’t go straight back up I would be afraid to try again. So I made myself go up again and on the way down I controlled it for a little longer before I crashed. And I kept going and going, learning as I went and slowly I got better until I pretty much made it down to the bottom upright!
There is a very old school, incredibly cheesy song called ‘Get up,’ by Superchick. But I have always loved the lyrics.

I’m  not afraid to fall
It means I climbed up  high
To fall is not to fail
You fail when you don’t try
I’m not afraid to fall
I might just learn to fly
And I will spread these wings of mine

“I can’t be bothered.”
Sometimes you just can’t be bothered! When you’ve worked hard all day or you’re peopled out, all you want to do is get in your comfy clothes and slob out in front of the TV. The idea of going out and doing something else is exhausting and maybe even the worst suggestion anyone could ever make. Some people stay cooped up in their homes because it’s safer there. Some actually don’t like leaving the house. When I was younger, I did this a lot. People would sometimes invite me out and I would turn them down because all I’d rather be doing is watching different TV series I was hooked on. I didn’t have time for people and I didn’t have time for hobbies. And in the moment it seemed like I chose the better option. Way more relaxing and fun. But over time, those repetitive decisions took their toll on me. I found myself fairly friendless and the only thing I could say I was passionate about was TV. After being isolated and motionless for so long, it started to affect my perspective of myself and the world. I didn’t have any confidence and started to think quite negatively about everything and everyone, including myself. And I watched as other people thrived off doing what they loved whilst I just sat back and watched them. Luckily I snapped out of that as the years went on and got back into dancing and writing and seeing my friends. It took a lot of effort at first to battle that mind set of “I actually can’t be bothered!” But it was worth it because honestly, I feel so much better for it! I have confidence in myself and my abilities again and I feel a sense of achievement and purpose. I have things to work towards and get better at, I have ways to express myself and I have something for me! I feel like I get to be myself. I’m not isolated anymore so I’m not left alone with only my thoughts and opinions, but I get to share life with people around me. Your house is your home, but don’t ever let it be your prison. It is worth picking yourself up from your safe, comfy house to do something a little different – and at first uncomfortable – because it opens up a whole new way of living!

“I’m just too busy…Other people’s needs have got in the way.”
The biggest example – although not the only example – of this is parenting. We spend so much of our lives loving and caring for these little people and keeping them alive, making sure they’re happy and functioning properly, that any spare time – if there ever is any – is purely for recovery.
However, sacrifices of time aren’t just made with children. We can devote all of our time to love and support other family members, work colleagues, friends, partners, to meet their expectations and their needs.
They have dreams and talents and we want them to achieve every single one!
It is a massive privilege to watch people we love be happy and excel in their gifts and talents, supporting them and encouraging them every step of the way. I love that! Never stop doing that. But for some people, maybe they’ve been so busy making sure other people are happy, so supportive of other people and their dreams, that they forgot to do anything for themselves? They forgot to look after and enjoy their own dreams and talents. They’re too busy. There is absolutely no time for anything else extra, especially no “me time.” I’m not saying that carving out time is going to be an easy job, but to give yourself a chance to do something for yourself and stop yourself burning out, surely is worth a try?
Because as important as it is to support people we love doing what they love, there should definitely be a point at which we take some time to do what we love too, because we all have something to give, and each is as valuable as the rest.

I don’t know if any of these reasons ring true with you, but when it comes to the statement “I’m not good at anything,” I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it’s true for anyone. I believe that everyone has a talent or a gift, something that they are good at. The problem isn’t that they aren’t good at anything. Maybe instead, the problem is that people haven’t given enough time or chances to find out what it could be? Other people’s skills don’t disqualify ours. We all bring something different to the table!
This amazing analogy coming up sums it up perfectly.

The Human Body
The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body… If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body?  If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?
But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.”
The Bible.

I love this! It is a beautiful picture that shows that no matter how different you are, we all have something to offer! We all have a purpose and something we are good at which makes the body – this world – work better as a whole! It wouldn’t work if we were all the same. Also, don’t underestimate the value of being good at listening! Good at advice, hosting, caring for people, serving others, being generous, etc! Although they may not be “hobbies” as such, they are actions that make a difference to people’s lives and are things that not everyone is naturally gifted at. If you’re good at it, run with it.

My friend that I mentioned at the start of this post went on to cycle in a race called ‘Coast to coast’ and raised a heck of a lot of money for a charity she’s passionate about.  On top of that, she’s just joined a netball team again which she loves. And it has been my pleasure to watch as joy, fun, achievement and purpose fills her life again.

It’s still January! It’s still a fresh slate, a brand new year full of possibilities and adventure. And I believe there are some people who are yet to unlock a whole new side of themselves they didn’t know existed, who have talents and dreams that they haven’t tapped into yet, which can only be discovered when they take a chance and experiment. If that is you, go out at find it! There’s still so much time! Go and find what you love and run with it!